One year of (un)intentional final texts to end my 30’s

A screenshot of a text message reads "Haha well I was thinking of wearing them possibly for a 2nd date" No other context is really given, leaving the other readers to scratch their heads and be like who is this woman who wrote this text who is now immortalized anonymously in this absurd blog post about and by some dude complaining about his minimalist dating life, bemoaning the fact that he's an angel yet can't get a third date.

My life was never supposed to become a saga. Sometimes you never get another chance, sometimes you never take another chance, sometimes you never know. It’s been a while now, that I’ve been back in the online dating world. It doesn’t seem to matter much what your history or lack of entailed, one day you get your last message ever from someone, and some people are better than others about leaving a lasting impression.

A sort of calendar of selected entries

January 9 (sole text message, eight months after the end of a 2+ year relationship)

I only sent her one email which you were on it and she said they stand with the charges. I haven’t had any other contacts with them and have not heard back. I told her I’m not paying and not to contact me anymore. Now if you want to pay go ahead and keep me out of it.

(he paid, and he kept her out of it)

April 1 (zero dates)

“I saw that. I’m sorry I didn’t message back sooner. I ended up picking up my sister’s kids last night and have them today while they’re at the beach celebrating their anniversary

(at this point it seems very likely they are still celebrating their anniversary or lost at sea)

April 4 (zero dates, 1.5 hours before the first date that never happened)

“I am having second thoughts about going to hang out. I think is a little bit crazy because we don’t know each other, we haven’t even talked on the phone, and we are going to spend sometime together. I am very excited about the idea of biking 🚴‍♀️ along the beach 🏖 and it is like the perfect date. However, I think that we should at least know each other better before doing it. I really apologize for the short notice and cancellation at the last minute 😥. I really would like to meet you, should we talk on the phone, or have at least a video phone call? Please let me know! I’d be very happy do it!

(but she would not ever be happy to do it ‘😥’)

April 6 (zero dates)

“I’ll put you as: ‘Jay the only man I can be bothered to talk to right now.’ 😋 Lol

(she would not, however, 😋 be bothered)

April 9 (one date)

“I fucking hate it. Is she’s gonna do that crap she should let me start my prject   Most likely   It started with me having to make a proposal presentation for the dumb preliminary experiment that we discussed and that literally only needed a text saying which antibodies we had in the fridge

(I do still wonder about those antibodies sometimes, literally)

April 25 (one [one-sidedly] wonderful date)

“Jay I thought more about it. It was very nice meeting you. You are a very nice, pleasant mature gentleman. I am not just really feeling the connection.

(that hurt a little bit. he’s a ‘nice guy’)

May 6 (zero dates)

“Fuck them kids”

May 12 (one date)

“want to be 100 honest Over the past 3 days I’ve received numerous unsolicited pictures and videos (yes 🤢) from bumble “matches”  maybe chatted 4 times with me, a simple “hello” or “how’s your day”… nothing sexual or even flirting  Thank you Mr. Jay for treating me with respect, even calling and being kind. Your personality, amazing sense of humor and of course handsomeness make me smile 😘”

(and they make me never want to see you again)

May 20 (no dates)

Hey saw that you called .  Sorry was still working.  Now at dinner at cousins Will hit you up after

(but she would not, in fact, hit him up after. she is probably still at her cousin’s)

May 27 (two dates)

“I absolutely miscalculated on this event they are throwing me. 😆 It’s really family centered and I’m not sure a spotlight appearance would be ideal. Haha. I would like to hangout again before I leave.


(they did not hang out again before she left 😆)

November 6 (one date, many long phone calls)

Hi Jay, I haven’t been feeling well and will probably stay with my parents for awhile longer. I realized today I need to focus on my health for as long as it takes. So the best thing for me is to not move forward with dating. I appreciate you taking the time to talk and meet with me, and you deserve someone that is ready to spend more time with you. I hope everything works out for you.


It’s a been few hours now. I should write back to her, but it’s so hard to know what to say. She would always text back the same minute. I’m just tired. Tired of interpreting the uninterpretable. Tired of trying. And of not trying.

We encounter so many thousands upon thousands of people throughout our lives. To come together, on really any different level, for a short time, for a long time, for a lifetime, is a mutual thing, a shared experience. Some things are given, some things are taken away, some things are amplified, some subconscious questions are answered, some fears are resolved.

You are OK. You can move on, whenever you feel you’re ready. You’re not broken. You’re not done. You can live your life however you want, with whomever you want, for as long or as little as you need to. Everyone is always going through something, and there often isn’t the time to tell you what all that might be. It’s hard to impress the full gravity of your life experiences onto anyone else. Before she died, my grandma used to have a physical therapist who always said he wanted someone to invent a machine so he could just hook up his body to a patient. If he could feel what they feel, everything would be so simple, and he would always know what to do to help them. Patients are such poor communicators.

Seeing this list all together at once, now I don’t wonder why I’m exhausted, why I’m heartbroken. Why I’m broken. Not a small part of me asks: Why keep trying?

Thanks for sharing a bit or a lot of your life with me. Sometimes a little extra patience, a little extra understanding, and some unrequested (maybe seemingly undeserved), often unrequited benefit of the doubt is in order.

(but will he still delete all the apps again tonight for the tenth time?)

My life wasn’t supposed to remind me of a country song, but I guess if it has to be that way, this is the one I would choose.

Garth Brooks sings “The Dance” by Tony Arata. 1996

15 responses to “One year of (un)intentional final texts to end my 30’s”

  1. Argh, dating is the worst. Same boat! I’ve literally lost the will to talk to anyone new. It’s a cycle – you talk – you vibe – you meet for a date or two – you stop talking. Such a waste of time and energy!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I know it’s probably hard for everyone and sorry to hear you’re in the same boat because it’s a boat I wouldn’t wish on anyone! So what’s your idea now? I’m thinking of going back to my old plan of waiting for someone to fall on me directly out of a palm tree during my lunch break walks.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m not dating anyone right now because I want to concentrate on myself. The last relationship I had left me broken and I need to work on myself before I can be with someone else.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think that’s very respectful toward yourself and other people, too. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ really is true sometimes, even though it isn’t always something easy to admit. But, as some church’s highway billboard just screamed to me on the drive home tonight, JESUS HEALS THE BROKEN HEARTED.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah sometimes it is you who needs some space/time. Haha nice, love billboards that yell at me.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Relationship is not easy. And often when I look back, I think about alternatives to all those time I wasted and mistakes I made, for which, LOL, I was an expert and am still an expert.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Haha! And you will always be an expert. I guess I hope I made the best choices I was capable of at the time, and that’s enough, even though today Me might have (MAYBE?) made better/different choices.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. If only we weren’t such experts at holding on to the past. I want to let go so badly but I just cling on.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. If any of you find the secret, tell us. I wanted to write a post about this a while back, but instead I spent the whole evening and ended up with this 6,000 word thing without a solution.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. I highly doubt I’ll ever find a solution lol. I know what you mean, it feels like there is no solution to this.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. But I truly believe that you can! And take care of yourself! By the way How are you now? Means everything is okk..

        Liked by 3 people

      6. Thanks and I’m good. What about you?

        Liked by 1 person

      7. That’s Great to hear this from you! And Yaa, I’m also good. Thanks for asking dear!😊🤗👍

        Liked by 3 people

  3. Relationships are never easy at all
    It’s such another world with no formula

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No formula is such a great way to put it! Whatever made sense yesterday…well today is a new day.

      Liked by 1 person

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